Trina's Tides are Turning

2003-09-30T07:45:00.000-04:00

For my dear friends that are having problems in/with life, just remember: life is a rollercoaster. Sure, it has its ups and downs, but it's the thrill that keeps you going. Instead of mourning, celebrate the life; instead of grieving about the past, anticipate the exiciting future. Who knows what's going to happen? Only you can make it positive. :D

2003-09-27T09:09:00.000-04:00

:D <~~Just thought I'd add that.

2003-09-27T09:07:00.000-04:00

Yay for family! They'll be here this afternoon. :)

2003-09-26T16:00:00.000-04:00

I was feeling a bit sad last night...don't ask me why it happened last night, things just hit me like that. Last night I was feeling upset, sad, depressed, all that junk, because I came upon a realization. I am starting to feel a bit homesick.

How did I come upon this realization? Well, here goes. It's difficult to want two things that you cannot have at the same time because they are in two completely different places. Of course, I'm talking about my family and Dave. My family is in dear Montgomery County, Maryland, while Dave's over in Southeast Virgina. If I want to them both, I can only pick one, because they are in different directions. I have to take the time to see one or the other; they cannot be in the same place at the same time.

I was also realizing that I really want to see my family. Yeah, I've been happy the closer we get to Parents' Weekend because I get my printer then (tomorrow, yay!) and some other stuff I left at home, but the more I think about it the more I realize I can't wait to see them. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I felt like I had a family here, but it's been a struggle the past two years to feel that way, and from the looks of it it appears I'm still struggling. And now that Dave is no longer only two floors above me like last year, it's hard not having that someone to go to whenever I feel like it or need him. Yeah, it's just my time to feel bummed I guess.

Or maybe I just feel left out of all the people that are having problems. ;)

2003-09-24T22:48:00.000-04:00

So why do all the guys in that picture (the website) have dark hair? Hmm.

2003-09-24T22:47:00.000-04:00

Ooh yay! Picture! :D

Hee, lotsa fun people! :)

2003-09-23T00:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I hope you enjoyed Dave's lil post (well, not so lil) this weekend. As for me, I have yet to grasp a handle on this thing organized people like to call "time management." I've gotten into the habit of not doing any homework during the day, then working from 10ish at night to 2-3 in the morning. And having to get up to be at class/Field Experience by 8? Not fun. At least I've got a consistency in my wake-up times. 6 AM. Yup. Kinda sucks, kinda doesn't. Like I said, consistency is key. Whoever said college students need the most sleep out of anyone?

Turning the tides of my eating habits is still left to be desired. The high tide's still in for the time being (a.k.a. shoving food down my throat every 2-3 hours, mostly carb and fatty-substances). The work outs have ceased for the time being, only because my classes, errands, meetings, and other mandatory stuff cannot seem to mesh well together in one big clump. I just HAVE to have 45 minutes here, or 50 minutes there. Yup, never enough time for a good hour at the gym (and of course the shower time afterwards). Hopefully by me making a weekly hall program entitled "Battle of the Bulge" I'll be able to MAKE myself go to that dreaded place so far away. Of course, I'm more than willing to trek the campus to go to Stingers, which is about 2 minutes farther away than the gym. Yes, I make lots of sense.

Well, not that the dreary-dom is out, let the Tuesday games begin! And oh goody, I get to stay up to 3 AM tomorrow night too. ;)

2003-09-20T21:31:00.000-04:00

"Honey, you'd let me pee in your sink?"

"....I don't know?"

2003-09-20T20:15:00.000-04:00

Hi all!
This is Dave (Trina's man) coming to you from Lynchburg! Let me recall what are the latest happenings.

First, as of this writing, Trina and myself are making a cake. Its actually an orange cake with either white frosting OR cream cheese frosting. We haven't quite decided yet. But, as a message to all who read this, you really should give Duncan Hines orange flavored cake a try! Its fantastic!

I actually got to Lynchburg yesterday morning. My school system had cancelled all classes on Thursday and Friday because of Hurricane Isabel. Never be fooled into believing that teachers hate having school days off. To the contrary, they (and myself included) love these miniature holidays. You will never hear anyone cheer so loudly when school is closed than the teachers at that institution. I guess we all have lazy streaks in our respective jobs; school closings help soothe those same streaks in educators.

Robin Williams is as equally funny as he is vulgar. Today, Trina and myself watched Robin Williams' HBO comedy special. Many thanks to Miss Mia Peak for allowing us to view her DVD. Anywho, his show is hilarious, but he does use the F*** word many, many, many times. Mia told us that after you watch it once, you get over the fact that he curses so much. So, here's a recommendation to all comedy lovers: Watch this DVD, but beware...your ears could become quite damaged from all the "filth talk." ;)

My baybeh gave me a wonderful "surprise" tonight. A crowd of ~15 showed up to eat at Lynchburg's very own Backyard Grill. It was great seeing old friends and having a good time! Thanks to everyone for making this a very special Saturday! It was good seeing you all!

Well, the cake is coming along now, but I most close this entry with this note: I love Trina soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo very much!!!! She means the world to me!!!! And, I know that wherever I go and whatever I do, she is always in my heart (and I'm in hers) :D Hee. Beautiful, thanks for making this guy's world a much better place :*

Now, I turn this blog back over to her sweetness...Trina:

2003-09-14T21:34:00.000-04:00

Yes...I've changed the name of my blog...again. Why is it so cheesy and soap opera-ish? Because I'm attempting to reform my lifestyle. Now that I have a life (even if it only involves a few people), I need to manage my time between class, work, food, and fun.

For starters, I need to set out a time for school work. Minus class-time, I need time where I ALWAYS work on homework. Consistency is key. Second, I need to set out a time where I'm in my room for my girls shall they ever need me. Responsibility is good. Third, I need to set aside time to go to the gym or work out. Buff bods are GREAT TO HAVE!!!!

I need to eat right, think smart, and work well. I need to be friendly, focused, and financially stable. I need to keep my cards in order, and play them right. In order to do all this, guess who has to be VERY, VERY organized? Uh huh, you know it.

So, that's my beginning. You shall [hopefully] hear updates frequently about my successes, failures, growths (as well as shrinkage hopefully), and lessons. Okay, enough with the serious contemplation crap, I NEED A CHANGE! :D

Of course, guess who'll I'll be thinkin' about the entire time I'm attempting to better myself. Uh huh, my baybeh. :) He's the one thing I'll never have to change. 0:)

Wish me luck!

2003-09-11T16:22:00.000-04:00

I wanna bunny!

2003-09-11T09:44:00.000-04:00

Last night someone called me her best friend. That made me really happy. :)

Okay people, you guys just have GOT to stop having problems! They're silly to have! It's much easier to be happy, and the only thing you should have to worry about is work, work, work. :P Cheer up; if you think you're at the bottom, the only direction you can go is up. :)

Oh, and you know who I'm talking to, you people out there. ;)

2003-09-10T11:01:00.000-04:00

Oh, and these are for the friends that need to be reminded the most...

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."
~Dr. Seuss

I love you guys! :)

2003-09-10T10:52:00.000-04:00

Well...this is the first REAL blog I've posted since...what? January? Geez. I apologize for my 2-3 loyal readers that I've haven't pulled my weight in writing anything recently. The truth is I really don't have that much to wrtie about. Usually people blog about issues in their lives, problems, worries, doubts, embarrassing moments. Nope, I really haven't had any of those. I guess I'll be bland and write briefly about what's been happening since last Winter. :)

Let's see...I managed to get a 3.81 last semester, which is a WHOLE LOT BETTER than my previous three semesters. I'm very proud of myself for getting that high, but I know I can do even better. Yes, I'm flipping the switch into "Perfectionist" mode. I was a big one in high school; although towards the end of my HS years I began to dwell down, I still got A's, so I guess my perfectionist view lowered a little for a while. But yes, I need to kick it back up in order to get all those lovely first letters of the alphabets (all the same letter, of course). Seeing as how last semester was also the hardest so far, the trend is the harder it gets, the better I do. I guess stress and pressure are good for me academically. I wish my complexion had the same view. ;)

Dave and I just celebrated our 1-year anniversary this past weekend (Sept. 6th, woohoo!). I thought about this a while back, but I just found it funny that our first real anniversary was on 9-6-3. Just thought that was neat, but then again, I'm a big number dork. I think it has surprised a few people, namely a few professors (well, just Dr. DeClair), that I'm used to being called Mrs. Griles. You'd think that a professor in college (plus one that thinks very highly of himself...not that that's a bad thing, though) would realize that I get that, plus "the first lady", at least once a day. It's not surprising; it's expected. So, for those of you who don't already call me Mrs. Griles on occasion, if you call it out now, don't be surprised if I respond. ;P

I'm currently in my 2nd year of RA-dom at LC. My girls are great; they're all cute, too. I was just noticing how I feel like a GIANT around most of them, however. Yes, I have really cute, petite girls on my hall. And if they're not 4+ inches shorter than me, they're about [at least] 5 inches slimmer in the waist. But they're all still cute. :) And really nice, too. I'm enjoying this hall as a whole a great deal more than my hall last year. I enjoyed the company of about 6 or 7 girls on my hall last year (of course, I knew them previously too), but this year it seems as if all of them are really nice, friendly, and fun to hang out with. I just hope the rest of the year continues so smoothly. :)

For the past 4-5 months I've been contemplating my last two years [hopefully] in college. I have so many credits left to take, and so little time, that I've needed to think of multiple options to my plan of action. For the 2nd year in a row I've gotten every class I signed up for at every time I signed up for, but amazingly enough it's still not everything I wanted/needed to take this year. And yes, that's already 19 and 18 credits hours this year, respectively. I'm going to end up graduating with at least 150-something hours under my belt, and I don't know how that happened. Especially when my major's only 72 (I say that like it's no big deal...ha...haha...ha.). So my options are: 1) Find a college/comm. college that offers the 2-3 courses I need to graduate on time, or 2) Decide to stay an extra semester, and fit the classes I need perfectly into my schedule. There's benefits and drawbacks to each, of course. The first option allows me to graduate on time with my class, which I would really like to do, and start teaching at the beginning of the next school year (which is helpful). But that also causes me to feel rushed, cramped/packed, and out of breath and time, not to mention major loss of sleep occurring somewhere in there (like RIGHT NOW). For option 2, the benefits are spacing out the classes and feeling a bit freer, less stress, and more preparation time. Drawbacks, however, mean I won't graduate with my class, I'll finish right smack in the middle of the school year, and I'll have to figure out something to do (I do need money, you know) in the meantime. And I only have a few months to decide this. Sounds like ample time, right? Ha, not when time flies by at college like a fly being sucked in a vacuum. Time goes ZIP! See ya!

Umm....sorry, guess I kinda bird-walked there (I really enjoy that phrase, just learned it two days ago). Currently I'm in my 19-credit hour semester, loaded with classwork, homework, and RA duties. I've decided I wasn't involved enough last semester, so although I'm not really joining any extra organizations, I'm doing more in Res. Life. I'm part of the Advisory Board this year; I'm going to VACUHO, the RA conference that takes place every year (this year it's at William and Mary!); and I guess whatever other little things I can do to help with I will. I guess to see Dave approximately every other weekend, and soon it will be a night here and there for dinner. It's kind of strange (plus it really sucks) not to have him just two floors above me anymore, or not to be able to see him everyday, but I've been adjusting since the beginning of the summer. Oh, which by the way, really sucked, seeing as how I worked ALL the time, and had something else to do all the other times. The good parts of summer were: making money, seeing family, seeing Dave every other weekend, and talking to friends the very few times I was online.

Well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoy! And maybe I'll post sooner than 9 months next time. ;)

2003-08-24T14:16:00.000-04:00

LOL, it still works! Guess I've really been a busy lil' lady after all. :)

2003-01-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

So yeah, I went to Best Buy about a week ago, hoping to find the ink cartridge I need for my printer. I find a sales guy to ask, I tell him what type of printer and its model number, hoping he would give me the ink cartridge I actually NEED and not all the other boxes that just sit there looking pretty. Naturally, he finds a box he thinks I'm looking for, hands it to me and says," Here you go." I smile, go pay like a good customer, come back to my room, and hold on to it until I need it. GUESS WHAT ISN'T THE RIGHT INK CARTRIDGE? Grr.

I apologize. I just needed to vent.

2002-12-26T21:02:00.000-05:00

Finally had snow on Christmas...first time in 9 years. That's right, the last time it snowed on Christmas, it was the year that my brother was born. It was wonderful to finally relate once again to those Bing Crosby croons; we all dreamed of it, and all little kids' dreams came true. For a day. And it was hell on the roads. What normally takes us 1/2 an hour to get to my aunt and uncle's house took us over an hour. Craziness.

This Christmas was alright. I wasn't in the spirit all that much this year because I haven't been in the best of health. I've had a horrible headache for almost a week, and my tummy just doesn't want to feel right no matter what I do (or don't) eat. Plus, I haven't been able to get much sleep. I guess I'm just so terribly used to dorm beds (had the same problem last year) that my "home" bed is just too uncomfortable. Anyway, I got a few things on my list, and that was cool. I don't see the point of lists if you're just going to say "I don't like what's on this" and toss it to the side anyway. Oh well, enough griping. That's not what Christmas is about anyway.

Either tomorrow or Saturday Dave's coming up to spend a few days with me. *JOY* I miss him so much, I can't wait to be able to see him, hug him, and smile once again. (Yeah, yeah, who's throwing up yet? Hush.) Then either Monday or Tuesday (depending on this supposed incoming snow...yes, again) we'll go down to his house and spend New Year's down there. I'm excited; I never thought I'd actually be doing anything over my Winter Break other than working. Because that's what I always do during my breaks...work.

Actually having Dave has got me seriously planning out my upcoming year money-wise. Since I'm one of those typical in-the-hole college students, it would be an excellent idea if I save up money. Wonder why it took me so damn long to actually follow through with it! I figure I save up enough money that I make this break and over the summer, and I can actually spend my next Winter Break as a BREAK and not a money-making opportunity. And since Dave will most likely be just chillin' and working at that time, maybe I'll get to spend a little more time with him...:)

Side-note: It's been so long I don't know what the hell I've written in the past half-year or so (not much, I'll tell you that.). So if I haven't explained before to random readers: Dave's my boyfriend (Jaaaaaaaaaason to his family members. I must not forget to mention that. *Wink*). Hehe, yay. :D

Anyway, I just figured I would finally put a little schpeel up on this lil home I call blog. Strike that, reverse it. Ooh, few more quickie announcements:

1) RAing is tiresome, but fun nonetheless. I still enjoy it. Actually having to solve resident issues makes me feel kind of important.
2) I've become the Standards/Sisterhood chairman for Alpha Sigma Alpha. Lehman's Terms: Just another "Mom" for a sorority, on top of already being a hall "Mom". (Not really, but I guess I need to watch the rules and bylaws more than anyone else.)
3) I've decided to (as partly mentioned kinda before) begin a money/food/etc. diet for 2003 (starting now though). Since I seriously need to watch the money, and I'm constantly freaking out over my weight/size/crappy food I'm allowing into my body, I decided that I'm going to learn to SAVE, and not SPEND. Isn't that nice? And the nicest part about that is...if I don't spend, I can't buy all that crappy food that I'm most likely spending my money on!! (P.S. ~ The etc. part of the diet is basically everything else...I waste too much time doing nothing and not enough time on that stuff we like to call "academics".)
4) I don't have resolutions; I have plans.
5) It appears that I am becoming more and more a bitch (for lack of a better word), but for some reason it seems as if more people like me/respect me. Interesting.

I believe that is all for now. More later!

P.S. ~ And hopefully "later" isn't in May. :P

2002-10-16T03:16:00.000-04:00

YAY!!!! And can we say WHO DOES THAT? to people who sit on benches in odd spots? Weirdos. Right Jackie? ;)

2002-10-07T07:16:00.000-04:00

And Jackie ~ chill. It's just a silly lawn display competition! :D
(Just think of it this way...we had a total of 15-20 people help on the ASA lawn display, and we didn't even place either! Yeah, yeah, I know we didn't place last year either, but that's besides the point.) :P

2002-10-07T07:14:00.000-04:00

I think I'm losing my heart to Virginia. That's right, I feel like staying here more and more. I know I'm not losing my heart to Lynchburg, because I don't particularly want to be in this city forever...maybe just Virginia. When I'm in Maryland, I never really feel like going anywhere. In Virginia (even though I don't get the chance to), I want to go everywhere! In Maryland, I don't see much to do other than go to Hagerstown to check out the Prime Outlets (blah) and go visit some diner named after some, ahem, "famous" lady. How famous, you ask? So famous I can't even remember her name. I think it's Barbara Fritchie or something...for some random reason it makes me think of candy. But anyway.

But yeah, losing my heart to Virginia. It's not far-fetched or anything if you think about it. The majority of my friends live in Virginia or very close to it, so it makes quite good sense. I just wished I would have noticed it sooner...I would have started doing more then! Oh well, I'll start loving Virginia with what I've got now. :D

2002-10-03T11:44:00.000-04:00

It's been almost a month. Can anyone tell that I'm busy?

It appears that all of my friends' lives have become SUPER full. The only one who updates regularly is Helen, and that can almost be classified as sporadic. Life just gets in the way of blogging sometimes.

I don't see many of my friends that often. I don't know if that's me, them, or a combination of the two. I know a few of us that have about an hour to ourselves any given day. And those little hour-chunks of self time don't exactly coincide with each other. I've actually thought about dropping something, but then I realized I don't want to drop anything...I like it all. Well, kinda.

I've been thinking about the Westover Program lately. All it is doing is taking up more time than I have to give. I can't read fast enough to keep up with the "book a week" we're reading, and frankly I don't want to be rushed into HAVING to read a book a week. Some people just enjoy having a little fun in their lives, and the Westover program...well, ain't lettin' me do that. :P (And yes, I realize "ain't" isn't a word, but doesn't it sound just so appropriate to use when speaking of an Honors program?) My only issue with this whole situation is this: I'm afraid if I leave the program now, I'll have to go back and take all the general education requirements that were brushed off by me being a Westover. I'm not about to spend an extra year or two fulfilling requirements I came in knowing I didn't have to take. So yeah, definitely stuck between a rock and a hard spot.

Anyway, back to the whole friend thing. I'll be the first to admit that yes, I do believe I miss seeing everyone as often as I did last year. Unfortunately (this sounds really sad), I don't think I've noticed it the past few weeks with never being in any given spot for more than an hour because I have to rush to do something else. I'm beginning to realize the importance and...unstupidity (?) of "scheduling me time." I end up seeing the same 3 or 4 people all the time (thanks to work and organizations), and only seeing those other people at a meeting here or a class there. I tried doing my little "visits" in the beginning of the year, but after realizing no one was coming down to visit me, I stopped going. Sounds sad, sounds like I gave up, but I apologize if I just don't have the energy to make up for people not wanting to expend THEIR energy to see me, unless only in passing.

Wow, can anyone say pent up aggression? I'm going to try to see people again here or there...but if I'm not seeing any "friendliness" in return, I'm "giving up" on that. No sense in wasting energy I don't have to waste!

2002-09-13T14:10:00.000-04:00

Wow...it's been a while. Guess I've been quite preoccupied these past couple of weeks.

Although I'm absolutely swamped with work, it's still great to be back at school. I just remember all the positive aspects of being here instead of the hours of homework and endless studying, and I end up alright. :) What's nice is this is the first time ever I have gone for 2-3 straight weeks and been happy every day. I know, that sounds kind of sad, but all last year there was at least one day a week where I wasn't all that up-to-par. This year, since I came down in early August, I've been pretty happy. Nothing to get me down, my hall's still doing well, and all is at peace with the world. (Sorry, just had to throw in that last part because it just seemed to fit...no matter how incredibly cheesy it sounds.) :P

I got two A's this week. It was very rare that I even got one a week last year! (And yes, somehow I managed to pull off that 3.4 last semester...don't ask me how.) Anyway, although I'm sure I completely bombed my french test today, those two A's have kept me pretty happy, among other things. ;)

I actually have no idea what to say right now...just felt like dropping in and saying hi for the first time in 2 weeks or so. Well, maybe just ten days, but whatever. :P Have a great day! :D

2002-09-03T15:41:00.000-04:00

So I just had a FUNNY and nice conversation with Helen. But as I was leaving, I somehow reminded her of this word that her dad says really funny: "doable." Supposedly he says it kinda like "dough-ble". So I told her it reminded me of Pillsbury, to which she said it reminded her of El Matador in Spain. (Dough-bull, get it? ;) ) So now all we can picture is a bull running by a red piece of fabric yelling "ooh hoo!" as if someone poked his tummy. We're silly people. :P :D

2002-09-03T14:34:00.000-04:00

Ok, just a few random comments.

First off, Helen, I am VERY glad I didn't hang myself either! That's just creepy! ;)

Thank goodness Jackie didn't wake up with thumbtacks all over her this morning. Phew. :)

And...YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! :D

Ok, that's all I have to say for now. Buh bye!

2002-09-01T14:45:00.000-04:00

Reading. Why is it that for the life of me I CANNOT concentrate on a book that I don't want to read? I understand that not wanting to read it may help a little, but I don't take ANYTHING in when I read them. What gives? Shoot, it even takes me forever to read books I CHOOSE to read. *Sigh* No wonder I don't like short deadlines...

Another thing that bothers me about reading is that if I have something else on my mind, it easily takes over my ability to concentrate on the words on the pages. It can be anything, really. If I just have something else to think about/contemplete/ponder over, that's what my brain chooses to focus on. No free will there at all. It kinda sucks. :P Sorry folks, just needed to get that out somewhere.

Oh, and by the way: Happy September! :D

P.S. ~ I just said "folks" didn't I? Wow.

2002-08-27T08:38:00.001-04:00

I'm not exactly a book worm, a beauty, OR a brown-eyed girl...but oh well. :)

2002-08-27T08:38:00.000-04:00

Which Disney Princess are you?

Yay! And she is my favorite. :D

2002-08-24T11:52:00.000-04:00

I think God's trying to tell me that He doesn't want me to have my car while at college. I was supposed to bring it down with me during my move-in two weeks ago, but there was a whole crap load wrong with it and wouldn't be fixed till Monday. Then my parents were going to bring it down the next weekend, but then some wires had to go and be crossed. Another week. Today, my parents were FINALLY driving down my "fixed" car when they had to stop in Charlottesville to get a new hose. A new hose? Why not just break the WHOLE CAR!!! It's a BIG tease having the car work fine all the way til Charlottesville. A mere one hour away. My poor car. *BIG pout*

2002-08-22T23:58:00.000-04:00

You know, I have had pretty much the same conversation with about 4 or 5 different people this summer, so I figured I would share it with everyone. At first, I get slack for saying I want a perfect guy. People don't understand what I mean by this, so I'll explain.

When I say I'm looking for a perfect guy, I mean a perfect guy for me. I don't mean a guy that does everything just right, is excellent in every skill imaginable, and does everything with precision accuracy every time. My perfect guy has flaws; however, he will have a couple of main goals: to make me smile, to make me laugh, and to make me happy. It's not so difficult. I won't care less if he likes to wear his socks to bed, if he bites his nails, if he combs his hair funny, if he can't dance (long story), or anything like that. I just want his main goal to be not to make me cry. That's pretty easy, right?

Besides, what does it mean to be perfect? Is there such a thing in anyone's eyes? Imperfection is what makes everyone unique, beautiful, funny, wonderful, exciting. Imperfection is what makes you YOU. Therefore, my "perfect" man will be imperfect; that's perfect in my eyes. :)

Sorry, that was completely random. I just finished watching my favorite movie of ALL time, that's all. (While You Were Sleeping is wonderful, EVERYONE should watch it!!!)

2002-08-20T14:12:00.000-04:00

Oh well, that should be enough for now. Oh, and yes, this past week has been FILLED with RA training. There's so much it's flowing out of my ears. It's INSANE! But, it's over TODAY! Yay! Hopefully this all makes up for missing a week of posting. Sorry guys! (Jackie, you happy now?) ;)

Oh, and P.S. ~ TATE WON THE BUILDING DECORATING CONTEST!!! GO TATE!!!! :D

2002-08-20T14:10:00.000-04:00

Eagle Eyrie.

Eagle Eyrie is the retreat center where the Residence Life staff went for a few days to relax, do a few training sessions, and have lots of bonding time with the other RAs, HDs, and AHDs. And I will tell you, although I had maybe 6 hours of sleep for all of three days, I had an absolutely WONDERFUL time!!! It was great getting to know everyone a little bit more, we played lots of "games" together, and I heard lots of stories about people and their past or stuff from the summer.

My favorite part, however, was the walking I got to do around the place each night. The first night it was just a little (well, medium) walk around the retreat center, passing all the cabins, the dining hall, a little playground, and just chatting with Thomas, Aaron, Davy, and Sara. The second night was more a walk to the dining hall balcony to check out the city lights between a clearing in the trees. It was awesome. Plus, I got to spend an hour and a half having a fun conversation with think-alikes Dave and Thomas. I managed to see quite a few shooting stars that night, thanks to a recent meteor shower about two nights before. :) Overall, it was just really nice getting to bond with the people that will be going through the same residential hell I will be for the next 9 months. But, the "hell" will be fun the whole time. ;)

2002-08-20T14:03:00.000-04:00

People.
I didn't realize until I came back just how many people I have missed and exactly who I have missed. I only talked to a few people during the summer, and many people just weren't online for me to talk to here and there. The few people I DID talk to was only sporadically. I managed to send out many birthday cards which made me happy (happy that I remembered to send them EACH TIME! Go me!). But anyway, I came back and realized many of my new and old RA friends (which a week ago made up about half of the staff; I can consider the entire staff my friends now.) I missed. A few of them I didn't even have screennames for. It was great just coming back and being able to reminisce (spelling people?) about fun/boring summer times, events from last year, and just fun stuff in general. I was really happy to be back (well, still am happy, of course!). It just kind of saddened me to realize it took me three months away from school to realize just how many people I missed. At least I'm back with them now! :D

2002-08-20T13:58:00.000-04:00

Settling In.
Well, I got back, unpacked, set my room up, and everything's cool. My room isn't exactly how I planned it out to be originally, thanks to having an extra desk and dresser in the room, but I'm pretty thankful for actually having the extra furniture. I have so much crap! This past week I've just been trying to figure out how all this stuff (pretty much the same amount of stuff I had with me last year) that fills my entire room was packed into only one half of a room last year! Anyway, I have my sheer fabric lining the wall, my starry fabric covering the bulletin board, I made my own pretty push pins to decorate with, and everything still looks really neat (clean). I'm excited about that. :)

It feels as if I never really left. I've had a few people ask me if I've settled back in okay. I told them I settled in the minute I got back. There was no "having to get used to dorm life again" for me; I wanted to be back, so my mind set was already there. Even though I don't have my car for now (that process is still in the works), I still really enjoy being back. Since it's been a week since I last posted, I have a few residents already, two being Jackie and Helen. Having them back here makes me completely forget about them not being around me all summer. It was like they've been here all along, like me. It's a weird feeling, but really cool.

Anyway, to make a long story short (too late), I'm settled in, and my room looks wonderful in my eyes. I've already received a few compliments on the fabric-lined walls and the set-up, and overall I have a "cute" room. Now THAT makes me REALLY happy to be back. :D

2002-08-20T13:53:00.000-04:00

Ok, I have A LOT of catching up to do! I'll try dishing it out one event/thought/whatever at a time, okies? here goes! :D

2002-08-12T00:56:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back at school. Instead of getting some desperately needed sleep, I'm fixing up my room. I only do this because I won't really be able to do anything with my room until next week. I'm so happy to be back at school. Just one thing...I wish it was already set up for me!!! :)

2002-08-09T23:34:00.000-04:00

Why is it funny when a girl says it sucks being a girl? I don't understand.

2002-08-09T21:42:00.000-04:00

It's 9:44, my show comes on at 10 pm, I really want to talk to a certain someone, I haven't made a dent in my packing, I need to be up REALLY early to go to the bank, and Hurricane Trina has hit my room. Damn.

2002-08-09T20:18:00.000-04:00

This is the second time this has happened. I'm extremely grateful that my dear grandmother is giving me my savings bonds so I can buy my school books. However, when do you think she decided to give them to me? That's right, I found out just about 3 minutes ago. I can go pick them up whenver I like. I leave Sunday. That gives me between 9 am and noon tomorrow to actually get the money. Thanks. It's wonderful to having a caring grandma that wants to pay for my schoolbooks, but to wait last minute a second time? Oh well, it seems like waiting last minute for everything runs in the family. (I've been bitten by the bug many times...hello, packing anyone?)

2002-08-09T19:57:00.000-04:00

Last Days at Home. I'm packing up my life again to move back to LC for the school year. I really dislike having to move back and forth so often now. I mean, I love being at school, but I don't want to have to move my stuff back and forth for the next three years. It's a pain in the butt, I always leave something behind, and it's almost stressful trying to figure out what to pack in what box or trying to figure out just how much I can fit in one bag.

I'm leaving Sunday. By 7 AM latest. I can't wait to be back, but every time I go back from a break now, it makes me think about just how much I don't like being at home. Does that make sense? It's not anything in particular, and it's not anything personal against my family, I just like being away. On my own...almost. I like having that freedom to make more decisions on my own, having my own space (which yes, I DO get my own space this year, woohoo!), and not having family interfere with everything.

Don't get me wrong; I love my family very much. I've been very lucky to have so many of them near me my entire life, and to have been able to see them so often (when I was younger I saw Gran-gran at least every weekend; she only lives less than 10 minutes away). But I'm tired of it. You know that feeling you get when you're away from something that you really want to be near to? I haven't gotten a chance to exercise it enough. Yes, I was gone for all of last year, but I still got to see all of them during every break. At least twice. And this summer was an overdose...at least for Gran-gran. Not only did I see her on some weekends, for dinner for some occasions, and for holidays, but I worked with her as well. (I worked with my mom in the same office, too, but it's very difficult to get annoyed at someone that lets you do your own thing.) I just don't have the chance to be away for, like, an entire year then have a small reunion or get-together. Obviously, I don't have much of a choice with that yet, since I don't exactly have an income to life off of, but it's hard to want to come back from college to something that you're getting sick of.

I'm sure many people wish they could get along with their family so well and live close enough to see them all the time like I get to. But you know the quote "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? I'm seriously beginning to believe that in this situation.

Anyway, suffice to say I'm leaving this Sunday, and I get to see them all one more time tomorrow afternoon for a late birthday party for my uncle. So I need to finish packing stuff, like, yesterday. Alright, I'm done.

2002-08-09T19:45:00.000-04:00

Crying. For some reason, in the past month I seemed to have become hyper-sensitive. For some reason the smallest thing can happen, happy or sad, and it'll make me want to cry. Now, thank goodness I've mastered the art of holding back most tears (is that really a "thank goodness", though?), but I just find it really odd. What's wrong with me?

I've actually noticed, though, most of these cases (well, all of them) happen when I am by myself. If it's a movie, TV show, I'm out somewhere shopping, watching people, reading, etc., the tiniest happy moment or tiniest sad moment can make me want to cry. Is this normal, or did something really weird happen that made me feel like crying all the time? As far as I know, everything's the same; nothing has happened to make a big difference in my life (I mean like turning the earth about 15 degrees off course or something), so I wonder what could have happened to make me put my holding-back-tears skill to the test. Any ideas? :-\

2002-08-09T19:40:00.000-04:00

Weddings. It's funny the way people don't believe something will never come, then finally the one day it does, they can't believe it. Take weddings for example. (I'm only on this because I just watched The Wedding Planner on TV not too long ago.) Women, completely single, in a relationship, or actually engaged, all believe they day will never come. Days are spent thinking about it, dreaming about it, planning the whole thing, stressing out over it, whatever. Then the Big Day finally comes, and they can't believe it. I'm confused. If we don't think it'll ever come, then after it happens think it didn't really happen, why do we spend the whole time thinking about it? It doesn't make any sense.

Now, I can't really say much, since it seems like the day will never come (hey, I'm only nineteen, I've got a while to even worry anyway! :) ), but I know once that day DOES come, and it's over as quickly as it began, I'm going to be thinking that it never happened because it went so fast. I guess that makes [most of] the female population a whole bunch of hypocrites. Yes, women are funny people.

2002-08-07T12:36:00.000-04:00

Yay! I just discovered the most wonderful, fun thing ever! (Well, I actually find lots of those, seeing as how I'm an easy person to please or excite.) They FINALLY put a Build-A-Bear workshop in Montgomery Mall!!!! No longer is the closest one an hour away! Onlyl twenty minutes now!! Now I just need to find a reason to get one...;D

By the way, it is absolutely GORGEOUS outside. Windows open, breeze blowing, curtains open letting sun in. Yes, today is a beautiful day. :)

2002-08-07T10:24:00.000-04:00

Never realized this, and it's my favorite song too. In the song "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain (wonderful song!), he sings, "Emeralds from mountains thrust towards the sky, never revealing their depth." Now, I may be taking the meaning in a different context, but usually this is how singers mean it: it sounds like he's talking about her green eyes. In the whole time this has been my favorite song, I've always been upset because no one ever sings about green or hazel eyes, which is what I have. And here it is, my favorite song of all time, and wonderful Edwin is singing about them. Imagine that. :)

2002-08-06T19:50:00.000-04:00

What a better way to tempt me than to bring home delicious onion rings from Red Robin? I wonder if they brought the sauce...

...but I've been good so far. No onion rings for me. Yet.

2002-08-06T19:49:00.000-04:00

Hips. Yes, I have them. And I know that they will definitely be thanked for in later years, but I'd rather not have them right now. At least not hips THIS big. :P

You see, I have this little issue with my hips. They don't let anything fit right. My pants/skirts/shorts are either too tight, or too baggy. I can't win. My bottom wardrobe is one of two things: either perfect in the legs and super tight in the hip/butt area, or it's perfect in the hip/butt area, but too big in the leg and waist. *Sigh* Yes, another problem with my body; I have a pretty small waist. What is more perfect to go with fairly large hips? Right. When can I roll my eyes?

Okay, so I'm sure there are a few people out there that would love to have bigger hips or a smaller waist, but those don't mean anything. Just because I'm small on the sides doesn't mean I'm smaller in the front tummy-wise, and those hips just prevent any jeans from being perfect. I'm not allowed to have the "perfect pair of jeans" unless I want them specifically tailored to my hips, waist, and legs. Yes, yet another thing to gripe about. I'd just like to not have to pay extra because I have hips, or long legs for that matter. Anyway, just thought I'd share that. (Only came up because my skirt today was loose everywhere else, but hanging on thanks to those hips. Sigh.)

2002-08-05T20:17:00.000-04:00

Irony. I was checking my hotmail to see how much I was worth at www.humanforsale.com, and at the blue bar at the very top, what I read very quickly was "More Useful Everyday." Yup, more useful to see how much I'm worth on a website...;)

Oh, for anyone who wants to know, I'm worth exactly $1,984, 280.00.

2002-08-05T20:03:00.000-04:00

On to a lighter subject... I only have one more day left at work. The three days following that are packing and relaxing days. I cannot wait to get back to school. I really do enjoy being home, but for only a few good reasons; I enjoy spending time just relaxing and talking with my mom. I posted earlier last month, I believe, about how my mom is just...cool. That is why I like being home. But the liking for being home pretty much stops there. I have no friends here. Work takes up most of my time, and I don't get enough sleep. There's nothing fun to do in this city, especially when there's no one to have fun with. My room's a complete mess, and won't be neat at all until I leave (with most of the stuff in here anyway). My grandmother is really frustrating lately, and I'm afraid of her soon beginning to take advantage of my age. Well, more like taking advantage of my energy because I am younger.

See, while I am at school, I can escape from worries like that. While I am here, I am happy to help her, but where do you draw the thin line of helping and taking advantage of? It's worse when I work in the same office with her, and she's practically my boss. I am given 5 or 6 tasks at the same time, and if she does something wrong, it somehow becomes my fault. Either that or she doesn't give me anything at all, then complains because I'm not doing anything for her. Confusion, anyone? Away from work, she wants me to help clean her house, move things, do yard work, help bake stuff, and go shopping. Oh, sure, the shopping wouldn't sound to bad, except for the fact that she expects anyone who goes shopping with her to carry her stuff. That wouldn't be a problem if she didn't buy about 15 items at a time. (Most of that ends up getting returned, sadly enough.) Yes, I'm griping again, but the point of this is to show why I am happy to be at school. I get to leave this at home.

I get to leave that at home, along with the miscommunication between my Dad and I, the stress of getting up WAY too early for a full-time job, and having only a couple of hours to run errands or do the things I need to do. One thing I miss, though, is watching my brother grow up. Yes, he is INCREDIBLY annoying sometimes, but he IS only a kid, and a boy at that. I wish I was here sometimes to help him with his homework, take him to the park, or maybe even Chuck E Cheese's every once in a while. The things we sacrifice to further our education. Almost doesn't seem worth it sometimes.

2002-08-05T19:51:00.000-04:00

It seems that a few bloggers are recently going through tough times. Well, not just recently, but just recently expressed how hard their times seem to be. I can't help but feel like one, and yet know I'm really not at the same time. So many more people out there have bigger problems than me, and yet I seem to be selfish and only think about how horrible MY problems seem to be, that MY life is just the worst on the planet. Give it up, right?

It really hurts to see someone going through so much pain over major issues, whether it be food, drugs, alcohol, depression, whatever. Everyone always seems to have a deep, dark secret that haunts them for most, if not all, of their lives. And once they share the fact that they want to overcome their addiction, overcome their eating problem, overcome their sadness, there HAS to be at least one person out there to squash it. There always is. Right now I'm overlooking my petty issues with disliking myself to encourage the few I know are going through tough times (I won't mention names, you probably know who you are): don't give up. Don't let someone else tell you that you will fail miserably. You will fail if you listen to them, because you let them win. Become the victor for the change; you have the strength inside you, you just need help recognizing it. I'm telling you that everyone has the strength inside them to overcome their problems, and I'm telling you that I have faith that you can find it.

I know, that's majorly hypocritical from someone who can't stop talking about how much of a failure she is herself, but I know I have strength inside me, too. Even if it takes someone else to get it out of me, I know it's there. I just want you to realize that I want to help you see the strength in yourselves. I may not know you personally, but your honesty and openness makes me care so much more. Just remember that.

2002-08-05T06:20:00.000-04:00

Fresh meat. I must have a big neon sign on me that screams "Come Hither All Mosquitos", because my legs certainly seem to have been the main dish this morning. I woke up with about 10-15 new bites on my legs. This is reason #385 I didn't like shorts. Figures, the one summer I decide to show my legs again, I become dinner.

2002-08-03T01:13:00.000-04:00

Forgot something. You know what the worst part is? I thought (and to some extent STILL think) that being thinner meant more people would pay attention. What's even worse than the worst part is that after I lost all that stupid weight and realized I was treated the same way, sans being branded Miss Piggy, I kept it up.

Why do I want to do that again? Because I'm stubborn, that's why.

2002-08-03T01:08:00.000-04:00

I am still having major issues with food.

Just a little while ago, someone told me that I shouldn't think too much because it will greatly disappoint me. What he meant by this is not to think too much of stuff that can happen in the future, because I will be disappointed if/when it does not happen. First of all, this is not true; I have never been disappointed by the fact that the stuff I think about doesn't happen in the future, especially when I do not expect it to. Second of all, that's not the kind of thinking that anyone should worry about disappointing me.

The kind of thinking I have that I does greatly disappoint me is the fact that I want to always lose weight and yet can never gain full control/will power over what I eat. I started this roller coaster a long time ago. It hurt the day I was called "Miss Piggy" and the "perfect match" for my 250 pound friend (in seventh grade). I couldn't control what I ate then; no will power. High school for some reason gave me the control to eat practically nothing; for some strange reason consuming only 300-400 calories a day boosted my metabolism. At least it seemed like that, especially after losing 30 pounds in one month. I managed to keep that will power for about 1 1/2 years. Getting my first boyfriend seemed to give me a bit more confidence in eating without gaining weight. I managed to keep those 30 pounds off until senior year, where although I didn't change in size, I gained weight back slowly. So from seventh grade on, I went from 150 to 120 up to 135. By the end of my freshman year in college, I weighed a wonderful 145 pounds. *Anyone feeling the sarcasm?*

What does this all have to do with being disappointed by thinking? Throughout this whole episode, I thought being thinner was better. Being thinner made me feel much better about myself. "Miss Piggy" flew out the window. "Miss toothpick" came into play. There's a picture of me smiling for the camera at my 15th birthday party; anyone that has ever seen it has told me I looked soooo skinny. I wanted to know where that went, and how much food I can drop to get that back. I have been disappointed because these past 3 or 4 years I have told myself that I can gain the will power back to eat only 400 or 500 calories a day, even though I know that's terribly harming my body. It's amazing the things you know yet still want to do, despite all its dangers.

My friend also asked me if I was angry; I answered I didn't know. Truth is, I believe I am angry. And not even about the whole "thinking too much" conversation; I'm terribly angry with myself. I don't have the will power to do anything. Tonight my family and I went out to dinner; that was about 5 hours ago, and I'm still full. How the hell can I eat so much when I want to eat so little? I did so well for about a month, watching everything I ate, eating something a little junky only once a week or less; I was good. And yet I can't do it anymore. Rather, I let myself fall out of the system. What's so bad is that I didn't want to eat well. I wanted to eat little, and I haven't succeeded in doing that again.

I've only been on this rollercoaster for, oh, 7 years now, and I can't help but think of all the possible outcomes of this situation. I can gain extreme will power and eat extremely little; I gain not care and eat whatever I want, junk food and all; I can eat healthy and eat the recommended calories per day; I can eat 1200-1500 calories per day in healthy foods...there are so many possibilities. What angers me about this is that I can't manage to get the outcome I want. And this is the only "thinking too much" that has ever made me disappointed.

Thinking about living in modern castles and never getting to really live in one doesn't disappoint me; thinking about being the biggest name on campus and not becoming the biggest name doesn't bother me one bit; thinking about being everyone's best friend and not actually getting that far doesn't bother me...those are just thoughts, dreams, and things that would be cool, but doesn't have to happen as long as there's a happen medium. With food, however, there is no happy medium. It's nothing, or I failed.

Wow, and to think this rush of anger began by thinking I think too much.

2002-08-02T21:35:00.000-04:00

About one more week left. Wow. :)

2002-08-02T21:34:00.000-04:00

Hehe.

2002-08-01T21:24:00.000-04:00

Guess what??? August 13th is Lefties Day AND Middle Kid day! Angie, Amy, we SERIOUSLY need to celebrate that day!!!

Thanks Amy for letting me know!! :)

2002-08-01T18:20:00.000-04:00

I just added some links on the side to the blogs I read often. The first four are college friends (thanks to Jackie I finally got those up there); the bottom half consists of blogs that are just real to life. I read them because the bloggers don't hold anything back; they tell the truth (either that, or they are EXCELLENT liars). And the exploding dog site, well, I just like the pictures the guy makes, whether they're funny, interesting, sad, or just cute. Enjoy! :)

Note of Warning: All of them are completely different from each other. But that doesn't mean they aren't all still real.

2002-08-01T18:04:00.000-04:00

I just really wanted to share this with everyone today. It's the little story/poem/whatever I got from Chicken Soup for the Soul's daily inbox. Please take the time to read it. :D

When Children Learn
By David L. Weatherford

When children learn that happiness is not found in
what a person has but in who that person is,
When they learn that giving and forgiving are more
rewarding than taking and avenging,
When they learn that suffering is not eased by self-
pity, but overcome by inner resolve and spiritual strength,
When they learn that they can't control the world
around them, but they are the masters of their own souls,
When they learn that relationships will prosper if
they value friendship over ego, compromise over pride, and
listening over advising,
When they learn not to hate a person whose difference
they fear, but to fear that kind of hate,
When they learn that there is pleasure in the power of
lifting others up, not in the pseudo-power of pushing them
down,
When the learn that praise from others is flattering
but meaningless if it is not matched by self-respect,
When they learn that the value of a life is best
measured not by the years spent accumulating possessions,
but by the moments spent giving of one's self - sharing
wisdom, inspiring hope, wiping tears and touching hearts,
When they learn that a person's beauty is seen not
with the eyes but with the heart; and that even though time
and hardships may ravage one's outer shell, they can
enhance one's character and perspective,
When they learn to withhold judgment of people,
knowing everyone is blessed with good and bad qualities,
and that the emergence of either often depends on the help
given or hurt inflicted by others,
When they learn that every person has been given the
gift of a unique self, and the purpose of life is to share
the very best of that gift with the world,
When children learn these ideals and how to practice
them in the art of good living, they will no longer be
children - they will be blessings to those who know them,
and worthy models for all the world.
~ from A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul by Jack
Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen

2002-07-31T21:44:00.000-04:00

Ok, I was a little upset with myself for how much I spent today, and then I realized about half the stuff I bought was for other people, and about a quarter of the stuff is for my dorm room. Now I don't feel so bad. :D

It's funny; I used to be the only person I knew with a birthday in the summer time. All of my then "friends" had birthdays in the late fall or winter. Now, I believe I have sent well over 20 birthday cards this summer, and I'm not done yet! Plus, all the presents I've gotten for some people...it's craziness. Well, at least that means maybe it'll calm down once the fall comes...:)

2002-07-31T20:30:00.000-04:00

During my lunch break today, I went to the mall to look for a Stitch doll at the Disney Store. I went a couple of weeks ago with my mom (she promised she'd buy me one), but they were all sold out and waiting for their latest shipment. Well, I must have had a special ESP this morning or something, because I randomly decided to go check today, and the shipment came in this morning! I love that type of service! And to top it off, I found everything I wanted to find this afternoon on my after-work errands. Very happy Twinkie. :)

Oh, I also did very well eating today. Had my shakes for breakfast and lunch, 1/2 a muffin between that as a little snack, nutrition bar for early dinner, then a little later I ate some peaches with cottage cheese. Very proud. :)

2002-07-31T20:27:00.000-04:00

Guess what, guess what, guess what??? I FOUND TWINKIE PAJAMAS TODAY!!! Well, they were in the men's department at Target, but I STILL found them! And they have nicely found their way into my collection. Now I just have to get the boxers to complete the set! (Had those, too) ;)

2002-07-29T18:38:00.000-04:00

Yay, I got a letter from Tina today!!! :D

A few weeks ago I sent her a card, just asking how everything's going and hoping she was having a great summer. She's a good friend that I really miss. I hope I get to see her soon, Miss Graduate! :)

2002-07-28T19:35:00.000-04:00

This is the second graphic calculator that I have owned and "misplaced." Don't run cheap, either. Great.

2002-07-28T12:59:00.000-04:00

Food Update

These past few days were total "binge days". Definitely did NOT watch what I ate, ate enough for three people at dinner alone on Wednesday, and I didn't take the hint any time when I felt sick after eating too much. Alas, these are the problems with family vacations.

I completely lost all will power in two seconds to pig out for four days straight. From what I can remember, this is what I ate: 2 BK Whoppers, 6 silver dollar pancakes, 1 strawberry belgian waffle, 2 small crab dip sandwiches, 1 small salad (possibly the only healthy thing on my menu), 1 club sandwich, 1 piece of peach and apple cobbler, 1 huge piece of strawberry shortcake, 4 handfuls of caramel popcorn, 1 box of Jujyfruits, 1/2 bag gummi bears, 3 small bags of pretzels, 1 Applebee's Cowboy burger, 1 Checker's Chicken Burger, about 5 or 6 servings of french fries, and other stuff that I can't remember. Anyone feel sick yet?

Anyway, today I'm going back. Finally. Yay for will power. Just please stay this time, just for a little bit?

2002-07-28T12:54:00.000-04:00

I bought a planner a few weeks ago for school (yes, already). It is already filled with stuff I have to do this upcoming semester. That doesn't include RA stuff. *sigh*

2002-07-28T12:53:00.000-04:00

Country or City Girl?

For years now, I've been trying to figure out what would be the best place for me when I go off on my own. (Yes, years, I think way too ahead of the game.) I've always wanted to have a house kind of in the country, with trees all around, a big backyard, and possibly on a lake. However, I've always seen myself walking the streets of a big city lined with stores, high rises, and filled with people. I've never been able to make up my mind; I like both ideas. The only conclusion I HAVE come to is that I hate being stuck in the middle.

Rockville is just not the place I want to be. It's not small, but it's not entirely big, either. Sure, a few years ago it was the 3rd largest populated city in Maryland, but that's not saying much when number one is Baltimore or something like that. Big difference in those two cities. Rockville is just too...middle.

Ha, speaking of moving to the countryside or the big city, my dad told me the other day that (not in a bad way...ha) we'll all be happy when I move out. And he also told me that nothing is really holding me back now. I always thought that they'd make me stay at home until I was finished with school; truth is they would like me to stay at home for as long as I need to, but if I have the opportunity to move out and I have the provisions I need to do so, then I can just move out. I was actually quite shocked by this, but it actually made me happy to know that I'm not actually tied down in Middle Land. Well, I still kind of am (HELLO, not enough financial independence yet), but more "not tied down" by the fact that I have the choice to leave. Kinda scary, yet kinda exciting.

2002-07-28T12:45:00.000-04:00

Alright, as I said in my last post, I was on vacation from Wednesday to Saturday in Williamsburg, VA. I figured I'd just fill you in a little bit on how it went.

First of all, we didn't go for Colonial Williamsburg; we went for Busch Gardens and Water Country, USA. It was rainy the whole time we were down there, but it was still pretty okay. It was me, my mom, dad, and brother. We didn't go on as many rides as I hoped to at either park, but that's alright. I'll just have to make my own vacation for next summer. ;) Of course, if I did that, it would definitely be Colonial Williamsburg, but anyway.

Highlight of the trip: We went to Applebee's for lunch one day, and my brother ordered buffalo wings. He devoured those suckers; we asked Trevor if he wanted to get any dessert or anything, and he replied, "No, I want to keep this taste in my mouth as long as possible."

Guess they were really good buffalo wings. :D

2002-07-27T18:56:00.000-04:00

I was on vacation the past four days in Williamsburg, VA. In Williamsburg, these were the states I saw on license plates (in four days, mind you):

Alabama Arizona California
Colorado Delaware Florida
Georgia Idaho Illinois
Indiana Iowa Maine
Missouri Mississippi Massachusetts
Maryland Michigan Connecticut
New Jersey New York New Mexico
Nevada New Hampshire North Carolina
North Dakota Oregon Oklahoma
Rhode Island South Carolina Tennessee
Texas Pennsylvania Washington
West Virginia Wisconsin Virginia

That is 36 different states...all of these spotted in the city of Williamsburg, VA. 23 of them alone were seen on Wednesday! (Ooh, don't forget D.C.'s license plate!) Yes, I know, how sad is it I did this during my vacation? Well, it was very rainy the whole time, so there wasn't much else to do. Plus the fact that it is QUITE interesting to find people from that many different states congregating all in one little city on the East Coast. Go Williamsburg!

2002-07-23T20:56:00.000-04:00

Alright, random tidbit, just wanted to share.

I needed a new toothbrush, and my mom said we had some in the bathroom. So I went to get one, and the only new one we had left was pink. I have only blue toothbrushes as far back as I can remember. This is going to be really weird.

Oh, well, can't be choosy when being sanitary! ;)

2002-07-23T19:46:00.000-04:00

This is on a shirt in one of the catalogs I received this afternoon...

The Recipe for Mr. Right:
~ 10 oz. irresistible smile
~ 150 lbs. successful
~ 2 pints devilish
~ a pinch of gorgeous
~ 3 cups of sense of humor
~ 2 tablespoons of honesty
~ 10 oz. of great kisser
~ 2 lbs. bank roll
~ 1 pair of dreamy eyes
~ 5 pinches of romance
~ 12 oz. athletic

I totally do not agree with this silly thing...I mean, come on, only 2 tablespoons honesty? Ugh. And only 3 cups of sense of humor?!? What do I look like, a statue? :D

Yeah, this thing was all in fun, and hopefully whoever actually buys that shirt realizes that it doesn't take a multi-millionare Josh Hartnett look alike to be Mr. Right. Because I believe we call those people...hmm, shallow? Either that or maybe they just got lucky...with their shallowness. ;)

2002-07-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

http://disney.store.go.com/DSSectionPage.process?Section_Id=13761&Product_Id=109774

Check this out to see a really really super cool Goofy collectible. (I tried creating a link, but it didn't work. Just copy and paste if you wish.)

Oh, and while I'm at it: Happy 70th Birthday Goofy!!!! Ok, can you tell I'm a Goofy fan? :D

And guess what else? Somebody's finally going to go get their very own copy of their favorite Disney movie...happy 10th anniversary, Beauty and the Beast. :)

2002-07-22T18:09:00.001-04:00

Wow, it only took me about half an hour to write that, thanks to my dad calling me downstairs because he didn't want to answer the phone and to ask me a stupid question that he could ask the person he's asking about in the first place. *Shakes head* Whatever. :)

2002-07-22T18:09:00.000-04:00

This morning my radio station was talking about last night's episode of Sex and the City. They mentioned that the character Charlotte says everyone has two loves; in other words, every one has two soul mates, or two chances to find that true love. Anyway, they had people calling into the station just stating their opinion on this theory and what their own beliefs were in the category of romance. I wouldn't even bother mentioning all of this if it weren't for one lady that doesn't believe in soul mates, true loves, or marrying for love in general.

No, this lady called in to say that people should marry just for stability and support in the long run rather than love. The morning show hosts asked her if what she meant was basically people should be looking to marry a business partner rather than a lover, and she said yes. I was just a little annoyed that someone believes a person should marry just for the sake of stability in the present and future. Sorry folks, but I don't believe that's quite what life is all about. There are just way too many surprises around each corner and milestone for people not to take chances, especially when it comes to love. If someone's marrying a "business partner", than what's the point of marriage? Shoot, even the wedding vows state "to love and to cherish for as long as you both shall live." Um, duh.

Now, I believe in respecting other's opinions, and I will always listen to them no matter how different they are from mine. But that doesn't mean that I have to agree with them...at all. Especially when that opinion even contradicts the whole idea in the first place. Like I said, what's the point of marriage if you're not willing to risk love?

This lady also said that the United States has become too...I think she said romantic. She said way too many people are looking for love, and not support. Um, hello...if people are looking for love, I believe support kind of comes with the package. It's like a meal deal: you order love, and you automatically get support and a side order of happiness. I mean, if someone were to look for a "business partner" for stability and what not, leave them just as that, a business partner. A lover, spouse, soul mate, true love, whatever you want to call your [future] significant other, is just that: someone to cherish, love, respect, take care of, support, and honor for as long as you both shall live. I feel sorry for that lady because she doesn't see that. But then again, that's her decision now, isn't it? The woman that called in after "business partner lady" stated that she believes in the two true love theory, because she was married for 12 years, divorced, lived single for another 12 or so years, then met the love of her life. Hmm, so is that a business partner, too? ;)

I believe in the one true love rule. Think about it: if you have two "true loves" or soul mates, then was the first one really true? Soul mates I think can be stretched a bit, if you're talking about a significant other AND a best friend or something of the sort. But there can really only be ONE true love.

Hmm...can you see this is an important issue to me? :) What's your take, people? Soul Mate or Business Partner?

2002-07-21T21:24:00.000-04:00

Ok, the past five days or so have been complete anti-good food days. I mean, I've been REALLY bad. Of course, while being really bad I found a really delicious platter of onion rings and special dipping sauce, that just screams CALORIES! FAT! GREASE! CHOLESTEROL! Yes, my family and I ate dinner at Red Robin on Friday night, and we ordered an Onion Tower, which is just a huge tower of twelve onion rings, getting bigger as you go down. The tower comes with two different types of sauces, one I believe is a ranch-type dip, and the other I have no idea but it is SOOOOOO tasty. So, if you ever have a craving to just give in to your cholesterol-filled, fatty inhibitions, Red Robin is the place to go for the yummiest onion rings and dip. Yum. :)

Anyway, I'm back to good for me food. Wish me luck again! :D

2002-07-20T21:54:00.000-04:00

From now on, I am no longer allowed to look at anything, um...homey. I went to Linens N Things to find some big pillows for my dorm room and I passed by the dishes, glasses, etc., and wanted so badly to buy some. Is that so wrong, to want to buy dish sets for your home that you don't even have yet? Am I crazy or what?

For the past few years I have become really obsessed with housewares and stupid stuff like that. Last summer my mom said she was toying with the idea of a "hope chest", which would be just a big chest that we would start filling with linens, dishes, anything that could be used the day I move out on my own and have my own home. She hasn't quite put that idea into motion, but that doesn't stop me from looking at all those patterns, colors, and textures out there. I don't even want to pick something that my future roommate or fiance/husband may hate, but it is just SO tempting for me to look at that stuff.

And the REALLY stupid thing about me looking at and wanting housewares is the fact that it actually upsets me to look at it all! Looking at the stuff makes me want to be done with school, out on my own; it makes me want to have a home somewhere, someplace that I can call my own and not the place "with my parents". So yes, basically I'm saying that tonight I went to Linens N things to look for pillows, saw dishes and wanted to cry. *Sigh* Alas, tis the life of a nineteen year-old wanting to be 23 or 24. Only 4 or 5 more years....I guess I can wait. :)

2002-07-19T21:32:00.000-04:00

Ok, from taking a small adventure to the mall with my family, I have stumbled upon two very important, yet very random facts.

1) My family is completely backwards. Typically, women take all the time in the world to find and try on, like, two things. The guys are supposed to be the people that take five minutes to find what they want and spend the rest of the time waiting impatiently for the woman to find that "perfect" item. My family? No. In the time span it took for my dad to find one pair of pants (WITH my mom helping, mind you), I was able to go into Hallmark, Claire's, K B Toys, The Discovery Channel Store, JC Penney, Parade of Shoes, and back to JC Penney. While I was in JC Penney, I even tried on 7 or 8 different things before my dad even got INTO the mens department! I mean, WOW! This took forever. So much for stereotypes!

2) I do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to give my future husband my cell phone number. My dad calls my mom randomly, and it always ends up while she's driving, where her purse is out of the reach and the ring is oh-so-annoying. Tonight, since he and my brother met us at the mall, they were in a separate car. He called us once we left the mall to tell us he was pulling off to get gas. Did we REALLY need to know that? We'd see him eventually! He calls to see if we left work yet. He calls to see if my mom's picking up Trevor (they discuss this before we leave in the morning). He calls to tell my mom he's going somewhere. He calls to see if she's going anywhere. If it were really that important, I believe SHE would call. I don't think anyone will have a conniption (sp?) if my father pulls off for two minutes to get gas in the car. Therefore, I shall write my future hubby a letter stating that I would rather him not call me for such useless information. I will allow phone calls that tell me something important that will alter the chain of events later that day or week or whenever; I will allow calls if he wants to offer to do something for me because I am really busy and he would like to be nice; I will allow calls if he thinks he's going to be late or is in trouble (car problems or something) and didn't want me to sit at home worrying forever; and I will allow calls that say "I love you." Anything insignificant or un-life changing, please keep them to yourself, Mr. Future.

Ok, those are my two important facts for today. Oh, and no Song Thought. My bad.

2002-07-18T20:36:00.000-04:00

Song Thought for the Day:

"Help me carry on. Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness. Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?"

~Hoobastank, "Crawling in the Dark"

This song quote ACTUALLY correlates with my thoughts at the moment. Just being such a young age and being so confused and unsure with everything that's going on around you makes you wonder if you'll have a happy ending or a sad one. And sometimes it's hard to remember just to use your heart instead of your eyes to choose what you want. Try closing your eyes sometime and thinking about what you want...you'll realize it's a whole lot easier than picking something that's right in your view. And sometimes what's in view isn't always the best for you. Ok, that's a big ramble....time to go now. :)

2002-07-17T18:18:00.000-04:00

Ok, here's a Song Thought for the Day...same band, too:

"'Cause I am hanging on every word you say and, even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me. 'Cause I want nothing more than sitting outside heaven's door an listen to you breathing...that's where I want be."

~Lifehouse, "Breathing"

P.S. ~ Thanks to a wonderful friend, I wouldn't have even known the name of the silly song until they looked up the lyrics for me. Then later I was smart enough to just check the CD case. :D

2002-07-17T18:15:00.000-04:00

I've been bad the past two days and have eaten a good handful (or 5) of reeses pieces. I never realized I missed candy THAT much! Anyway, yesterday I had a bad case of a "sugar high". Believe me, it was horrible. I was getting up from my desk, running up and practically jumping off the wall. I had to be careful, though; didn't want to put my foot through the dry wall! Anyway, I finally calmed down when my coworker left. It's not as fun being crazy-like when there's no one around to watch you. ;)

2002-07-17T18:13:00.000-04:00

Ok, today's Song Thought for the Day is more just a full-blown song than a thought. I just really like the song. :D

Find me here, speak to me. I want to feel you.
I need to hear you; you are the light that is leading me
To the place where I find peace again.
You are the strength that keeps me walking;
You are the hope that keeps me trusting.
You are the life to my soul; you are my purpose; you are everything.
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
You calm the storms; you give me rest;
You hold me in your hands.
You won't let me fall; you still my heart and take my breath away.
Would you take me in, would you take me deeper now?
'Cause you're all I want; you are all I need;
You are everything.
Everything.

~ Lifehouse, "Everything"

See, isn't that just a nice song? :)

2002-07-15T21:20:00.000-04:00

Song Thought for the Day:

"Because of you, I forgot the smart ways to lie. Because of you, I'm running out of reasons to cry. When the friends are gone, when the party's over, we'll still belong to each other."

~ Shakira, "Underneath Your Clothes"

2002-07-15T21:06:00.000-04:00

I ate a cookie after lunch today, and it actually made me feel sick. Maybe my eating habits ARE changing for the better.

2002-07-15T18:27:00.000-04:00

At work, I've noticed something really funny dealing with address labels. Now, obviously on address labels, most people, if married, have both the wife and husband's name on the label, and if they're single it's only their name (duh, just stating the obvious). However, there's another way to show someone's married or single based on the way they address their envelopes.

All the single men that have sent in envelopes either have plain jane, white labels with plain black font or they wrote it on quickly themselves. All married men have labels with cutesy rainbows, little creatures, and flowers. Gee, wonder if that's a woman's touch? ;)

2002-07-14T23:54:00.000-04:00

By the way, to anyone who gets bummed because they never remember a dream, don't take it to heart. Actually celebrate over the fact that you don't remember! It's out that if you remember a good chunk of your dreams, you may not be getting the type of sleep you need. Since dreams take place in the REM stage, remembering your dreams means that this REM is being disrupted, causing you to be more tired, cranky, and just overall not too cool to your body. So, sweet unremembered dreams everyone! ;)

2002-07-14T20:45:00.000-04:00

I bought the Lilo and Stitch soundtrack today. It's filled with songs from Elvis Presley and a Hawaiian chorus, but the main reason I got the CD was because it had a fun remake of the song "Can't Help Falling in Love" from Elvis, sang by A*Teens on the sdtk (whoever they are). It's funny the songs that just get me dancing...they're so incredibly random, too. But, I guess it's good to have variety in what makes you happy. It just means many things can make me happy. I think that's a great thing to have. Hmm, that makes me...happy. :D

Oh, and by the way, can I just say how cute Jackie is? I hope she doesn't mind me copying and pasting, but I just wanted to share. (I'd just put the link on here, but I'm not computer literate enough to do that yet...anybody like to help me? Let me know!) Here goes :D :

(July 13th blog entry)
"This is why i love my baby:
Darkcon66: on a randon note i was running through the house today screaming "i love jackie" for no apperent reason
apparently, this was how he spent his time yesterday : ) "

Jackie and Brian are just too cute. Nuff said. :D

2002-07-14T20:39:00.000-04:00

With most things, I think of a few possible outcomes or ways something could end. So naturally, I think of what some of the outcomes can be for me in the future.

For the past couple of years, I've thought of what life would be like once I got out of college (yes, I was thinking about this before I even started college...I'm just weird like that.). I thought about what kind of job I would have, if I'd be at home or living elsewhere, and would I be alone, with a roommate, or with a steady partner. The one I've always thought was the most plausible was living at home with my parents for a few years following my graduation, seeing as how my expected future career will not be able to pay for anything else.

However, for some reason I can't get this one possible outcome out of my head...I can just see it happening, and I don't know whether or not it would make me sad or if I would just be content. What I picture the most is after college, I'll still be single, I'll be living in my own small apartment, and I'll have a routine downpat. I can see myself doing the same thing everyday: waking up at the same time every morning (even weekends), eating at the same time everyday, working the same hours everyday, getting home at the same time, sitting down to read a little of a book or newspaper at the same time every evening, cleaning a little at the same time, doing the same things every weekend, and falling asleep at the same time each night.

It's actually quite depressing to think about, at least right now. I couldn't possibly imagine having a life filled with routine activities. My life needs a little spontaneity here and there, and I'd hate if my life ended up in a giant routine. What's worse is that I picture the being alone and on my own the most, living the most conservative life imaginable. No dates, no hanging out with friends all that often, not even seeing family that often. Just being stuck in an endless routine of doing things by myself. Well, if that ever happened, at least I'd be independent. But for my sake, let's hope that my future in a few years doesn't turn out that way. ;)

2002-07-14T20:31:00.000-04:00

Last night, I hung out with Rachel, Jane, and a couple of Jane's friends for a little while. After dinner we went to play at a little playground near the restaurant we went to...and while we were there playing with all the fun, really random equipment, Rachel blurts out, "Trina, you have abs!"

My response? "Um...honey, everyone has abs. I just usually don't like showing mine."

I know what she meant...it was just kinda, well, funny. :D

2002-07-14T15:55:00.000-04:00

Song Thought for the Day:

"He says his life is filled with all these good intentions; he's left a lot of things he'd rather not mention right now; just before he says goodnight...he looks up with a little smile at me and he says: 'If I could be like that, I would give anything just to live one day in those shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do? What would I do...' "

~3 Doors Down, "Be Like That"

2002-07-13T18:12:00.000-04:00

Oh, the main point of the last post was to state how bored I was at a cookout today. Since I guess I'm not quite considered an adult by everyone just yet, I'm not really included in those conversations. I don't exactly want to hang out with my cousins (aged 9, 7, and 4), and I see my brother enough at home as it is. I'm just kind of stuck there doing nothing, and not having any fun.

Today wasn't the greatest day. I'm hoping it gets better since I'm supposed to go hang out with a friend tonight. But anyway, it wasn't such a great day because my feelings were really hurt by my 4 year-old cousin today. I know that kids say the darndest things, and that they don't always realize that what they say can hurt, but there should be a limit to what they say. He was calling me some weird name, and I asked him why he was calling me that, only to have the response, "Because I hate you," finished by a smile and him happily running away. I hope I wasn't expected to just put on a false grin and walk away, because that really hurt. I've never actually been told that someone hates me before, so it was really hard hearing it come from a relative, of all people, especially one which I hardly ever see. But like I said, I guess kids just say the darndest things.

2002-07-13T18:07:00.000-04:00

I'm not liking my age too much right now. Well, the age is fine, it's more the people around me that make me not like it so much. Why do I say that? Just because it seems as if the people around me are either 9 and under or 29 and over...no one is even close to my ripe young age of 19. It kinda sounds like a special curse or something...I mean, that's how my the ages work in my family and at the office I work at. No one is near my age at all, and it makes it really difficult to enjoy gatherings, lunches, and conversations when no one relates. Or better yet, no one can understand.

It seems that anyone between the ages of 16 and 27/28 seem to have this special language or communication with each other. For people in this age range, have you ever noticed how much easier it is to talk with and hang out with people around your age? The conversations aren't filled with too much life experience, they're not filled with loads of talk about getting to be "old", they're not filled with talk about families or kids or the difficulties of juggling a family with a career...no, the conversations we have are mostly laid back, random, fun, about what we're going to do tomorrow night, how relationships and the dating scene are going, stuff like that. I'm kind of just stuck in the middle while I'm at home.

Hmm, maybe this is why I really, really want to go back to school now.

2002-07-13T18:01:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I've decided that from now on, if I hear a song during the day that I feel is singing exactly what I'm thinking at that moment, I'll share it with you (well, at least a quote from it). Here's the one for today:

"If I could, then I would, I'll go wherever you will go. Way up high, and down low, I'll go wherever you will go."

~ The Calling, "Wherever You Will Go"

2002-07-12T21:52:00.000-04:00

A friend asked me why I switched the name of my blog from "Words in the Life of Princess Confusion" to "Knee-Deep Thoughts". I just didn't want to sound like I was confusing ALL the time anymore. Sure, I'm confusing/confused pretty much 90% or more of the time, but that doesn't mean I can't make sense every once in a while.

I changed it because it appears that my more recent posts are semi-thought out and contemplated. It's more about learning, thinking, and growing than it is about just being confused. I mean, what I'm learning is actually understandable to me. ;) Besides, I figured change is good every once in a while. :)

I just ended the past two paragraphs with the same phrase. Wow. Somebody need a little variety in their life? I think so. :)

2002-07-12T21:49:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the last post wasn't exactly about changing my self-views as I mentioned earlier, but here ya go now.

This summer has been like a giant epiphany. For many years I have struggled with infinite depressed feelings, negative views towards myself, focusing on all my faults, never having any self-esteem, and not doing things that I really wanted to go out and do. These past couple of months while being at home, I have done many things to change all of that. And it's really been working. Granted, I have had the help of a few very important people, that without them I believe my change wouldn't have been possible.

I've finally come to terms (95%, at least) with what I've got. Well, at least physically, I mean. I've always known I won't ever fit into those little size 2 jeans that so many petite women can...I was never built that way. I actually love the height I am at, even if I do mention wanting to be shorter or taller now and then. 5'7" is actually a great place to be. :) It's been exactly a month since I've seriously began watching what I eat. Low-fat, low-sodium, low-sugar items. I actually look at the nutrition labels now before purchasing. I finally started working out again, too. I don't even need a gym to do sit-ups, squats, leg lifts, etc., and I have my own hand weights. Who needs local when you have private? :)

I've accepted the fact that I won't have perfectly sculpted abs, hips, thighs, calves, butt, etc., but that doesn't mean I can't look good. Or at least FEEL good for that matter. There's always someone out there that you look better than. There's always something out there that can make you feel good about yourself, no matter how plain or small and simple it is. Before, the only thing I liked about myself was the color of my eyes; with the help of a couple people now I realize that maybe I have a few more things that are great about me.

Another thing; I read some wonderful advice in a magazine a few days ago. It said to flaunt what you know you have, because someone out there is brave enough to flaunt what they have, and they may just look a little bit worse than you. That doesn't mean they don't FEEL awesome about his/herself. The little old lady across the street from my grandma's house does garden work in a tube top...even the elderly have confidence. I think I'm finally gaining that self-esteem and confidence myself.

Now if only I could get working on my leadership skills...I guess that's what friends and my upcoming RA job at school are for to challenge me. ;)

2002-07-11T22:25:00.000-04:00

Alright, I'm quoting myself tonight...it's a good one, too:

"It's hard having to use my brain all the time."

Horrible, ain't it?

2002-07-11T21:39:00.000-04:00

I really have a whole crap load of stuff I want to write about, I just keep forgetting to do so...sorry guys! Don't worry, tomorrow, I promise. :)

2002-07-11T21:38:00.000-04:00

I have introduced my mom to the wonderful world of capri pants. No longer must she worry about having to find pants long enough to fit her extremely long legs. Welcome, Mom. :D

2002-07-07T20:47:00.000-04:00

Note to Self: Next blog entry about changing self-views.

2002-07-07T20:46:00.000-04:00

I guess I should mention my progress in the "eating healthy" project of mine...

It's been about a month, and I'm doing really well. It was rough the first couple of weeks, because I was so afraid of eating any kind of junk food that I was almost freaking out. Then I realized (with a little help) that it's alright to "splurge" once in a while, just as long as it's in moderation. So, I allow myself a little splurge about once a week. I mean, this past week I had a small piece of cake at someone's going-away party, and I had a cookie yesterday. That's my meaning of "splurge."

Anyway, I finally gained the motivation to actually start moving around and DOING something active, no matter how small it may be. In the past month, I've done various random exercises: crunches, squats, leg lifts, gym, walking w/weights, jogging w/weights, tennis, dancing, yoga, and stuff like that. Talk about variety! :)

So, to make a long story short (too late), I'm doing quite well in watching myself with eating and exercise. Go me! :D

2002-07-07T01:25:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, Amy put up on her profile that she wanted everyone to share with her what they were thankful for. After a couple weeks of forgetting to do so, I was thankful to finally remember to e-mail her everything I am thankful for! :D Then I thought about it, and I figured I might as well share them with everyone. Mind you, this little list I compiled is just that...little. This is not nearly everything I am thankful for; this is just the stuff I could think of in the time I had.

It would actually be nice to hear a few things you were thankful for, too, even if they are the same as mine. :)

I am thankful for a loving family.
I am thankful for a really close relationship with my mom that everyone else is jealous about. :)
I am thankful for having a house to live in and food to eat everyday.
I am thankful for the fact that I have five fully usable senses.
I am thankful for the opportunities that have been presented to me throughout my life.
I am thankful for the chances I've been given to do something right, or to do something at all.
I am thankful for clean slates that have been presented to me to start fresh and anew.
I am thankful for past experiences to learn from my mistakes.
I am thankful for the lessons given to me by family, friends, and mentors, whether or not they meant to give them to me. :)
I am thankful for the opportunity to make new friends, better friends, that may actually care about what I'm thinking from time to time.
I am thankful for the miracles that occur when you least expect them.
I am thankful for the fact that even a person I've never met can put a smile on my face.
I am thankful for the fact that at least one person out there thinks I'm special.
I am thankful for the fact that I KNOW everyone is special in their own way.
I am thankful for the will power I have recently discovered in myself.
I am thankful for the strength I have to travel almost 200 miles from home and not get homesick.
I am thankful for the knowledge that even though I don't get homesick, I still can't wait to see my family when the time comes.
I am thankful for the fact that I am given enough freedom to choose what I want to do, yet have conscience enough to let my parents know where I am at all times.
I am thankful to know that someone wants to know what I'm thankful for! ;)

2002-07-06T23:05:00.000-04:00

I want to be on my own, yet I don't want to be alone. Does that make sense? I believe so.

See, I want to be on my own in the sense that I'm no longer living under the roof of my parents (which technically isn't even owned by my parents). However, I don't want to be out on my own alone. It's amazing the thinking you possess when you're in the "middle stage"; you're so absolutely confused because you want to be independent without having to worry about anything. You want to be grown up without having to deal with "grown up" things. You want to have everything paid for you yet still be free.

I have my car insurance, my cell phone, and my school basically paid for me. I want to start doing things on my own, but that's such a big responsibility to take on when I don't even have a steady income. Yes, I actually want to start paying for that stuff myself. But I guess I'll take advantage of the fact that my parents offered to pay for it while they can. Ahh, I'll have to write more later...just got bombarded by IMs!! :D

2002-07-04T23:45:00.000-04:00

One Last Thought For The Night.

I'm thinking about renaming this thing. I want something a little more down to earth, something that doesn't exactly scream *CONFUSION*. Any ideas?

2002-07-04T18:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I TOTALLY just did one of my funky mind connections in that last blog, but that made me think of something else I really want to write about...sorry if I'm boring all of you, but it's your choice to read, you silly people! :)

Today's topic (well, one of many, I guess): my mom, and why she is so cool. I grew up through late elementary school, middle and high school with my friends telling how cool my mom is. They see me talking to her all the time about anything and everything, and want to know how it's so easy for me to do that. It's because my mom is just so cool. I mean, even my friends can come and talk to my mom. There's been a few times where Rachel would come over and my mom would just start talking to us, and Rachel would start talking about a guy or an issue she's having, and my mom would just listen, give advice, make jokes, and just be cool. Then Rachel would wonder why she couldn't talk to her mom like that. (Now, I'm sure she could if she tried hard enough, but that's not my point) It's because my mom is just cool like that.

Growing up with the fashions that have succeeded our generation has been like hell frozen over, trends flashing by at the speed of light. In the eighties it was the ponytails on the side of your head, the t-shirt ties, leggings, funky-colored clothes, and all sorts of stuff. No matter what happened, my mom just made sure that I looked cute. When I was about 6 or 7, my mom told me if I wanted to, I could start picking out what I wanted to wear. So basically, my kiddie wardrobe was anti-gooberish at all times, thanks to my cool mom. As I started hitting 9 and 10, I started wanting to wear stuff a little more "in fashion", I guess, so she let me pick out my school clothes, and got ideas from stuff I cut out from catalogs and magazines. Of course, since my mom was cool, I was always wanted to wear what she bought me. Well, because my mom is just so super cool, she's always been able to (and still can) pick out styles that I like, that I will wear, and that I think look cute, fun, or nice. She's not one of those moms that tells me to cover up EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME. Instead, she knows what other young adults are wearing out there, and she knows that most of the stuff I wear covers more than other girls' shirts and shorts combined, so she trusts my judgment, and also buys me those cute little tank tops or dresses. Shoot, even when we go shopping she'll tell me something's cute or would look good on me. Why? Because my mom is cool.

How many people out there can say they enjoy going to the mall with their mom? Most people probably go with Mom, only to split up and meet back later. I like to stay with my mom, just because she's cool (plus, she likes most of the stores I like, too). My mom doesn't try to hold stuff back from me. She doesn't wait until I can't hear her to curse (not like she curses often anyway); she realizes I can hear it in many other places as well, so no reason to "hide" it from me. She's just her natural self, going with the flow, being upfront and to the point. If she wants to complain, she complains. If she has a joke, she tells me. She shares everything with me. Why? Because she's cool.

I've actually gotten someone quite fascinated with my relationship with my mom recently. It seems that it's impossible to believe that someone can be that close to their mom. I don't think I'm close enough. My mom's just so cool that I could probably tell her ANYTHING (even though I don't, believe me), and she wouldn't think different of me (at least in a negative way, I mean). Mom has just made sure to be different than her mom in raising her kids and living her life. I'm not saying that my grandma is bad or lives a bad life or anything, I'm just saying that my mom chose and chooses to live life HER way. Those two generations are almost nothing like each other; Mom and I, on the other hand, are almost the same person. Mom just doesn't put on a front, and I think that is totally cool. At work, she'll joke around with the people that are fun and friendly, she'll be either polite or blunt to the employees that aren't as comical. She doesn't pretend to be nice if someone isn't doing their job or is being rude themselves; she'll come right out and be rude back. Do onto others as you would want others to do unto you.

Ok, so I've been rambling WAY too much. But do you get the point? My mom's cool. :D